Category: TX

When I was in high school, I remember a specific conversation I had with my dad in the car on the way to church. At that time, there was a gender hierarchy in the church leadership guidelines, and I was asking him why that was. Why were women not allowed to hold certain roles, even if it was clear they had been gifted by God with preaching and teaching abilities? In my mind it didn’t make sense. Was it that there is some malfunction in women’s brains that allow them to understand and accept the Gospel, but prevents them from communicating it without speaking heresy? Anyway, I asked my dad (who was on the elder board of our church at the time) why the elders weren’t talking about the legitimacy of the restrictions on women in the church. And his answer to me was this – “well, we don’t see a need to talk about it right now. It’s just not a priority”. And I was thinking “Of course it’s not a priority to y’all, you’re all men! who already hold positions of authority!” The problem was that he and the other elders weren’t on the receiving end of the injustice – it was literally the same frustration I and other women were feeling that led them to see it as a non-issue.

Isn’t that the same mindset we’re using to ignore the overt and covert racism in our churches, in our cities, and in our own hearts? The privilege my dad had to allow him to say that to me is the same kind of privilege white people hold when they say “Well, it doesn’t really seem like an issue we need to talk about. Racism was killed by legislation in the ’60’s, so why should we bring it up now?”. Here’s the thing – white people hold the majority of positions of power in this country. We’ve never experienced what it’s like to be Black and live in America. Truthfully, we have no right to say racism isn’t an issue when we’re not on the receiving end of the injustice.

Another similarity between white privilege and my dad’s male privilege from the conversation above: My dad is a wonderful, compassionate, Jesus-loving, intelligent, hard-working person. I can’t say enough good things about him, he’s probably my favorite person on this earth. It took him 45ish years of life to develop the God-given wisdom and qualifications to become a church elder. I think he was absolutely right for that position, but here’s the thing – gender was never a factor for him that might’ve held him back from any positions in the church. Whereas, prior to 2016, if a woman at my church had the same qualifications and giftings as my dad, she would be automatically barred from certain positions of authority. In this same way we can understand white privilege. If your argument of its nonexistence is “you can’t say that applies to me. I’ve worked hard to get where I am”, I’m not fighting you that you put in the time and effort to build your life. Instead I’m saying white privilege allowed you to move through the ranks of life, of your career, of your social status, of your community – without ever having to be concerned that the color of your skin would negatively impact you. Again I will say, if you’re a white person reading this, you and I have no idea what it’s like to be Black in America. We are not allowed to claim the nonexistence of systemic racial injustice.

I’ve been silently (and maybe sometimes not so silently) reflecting on the failings of the church for a few years now. What I’m about to speak on absolutely is not me saying the church has failed in its entirety. I don’t think that’s a power we hold anyway. But I’d like to, as your sister in Christ, hold my brothers and sisters accountable for a specific sin struggle that usually we’d rather not talk about. Prep yourself for a defensive reaction to what I’m about to say, and please try to recognize it and put it aside for a second so that you can just listen to what I have to say. I’m not condemning – just calling us out on the unholy habits we have that we should’ve done away with a long time ago. It’s not in 100% of our churches, but enough of them.

The American church is failing at love and basic empathy. In the American spirit of individualistic protectionism, we’ve put constraints on the love we have for the world (where Jesus Himself put none). Each person has their own unique constraints, but generally these constraints have to do with the people who don’t share any demographic groups with us. Or the people our preferred politician tells us to stay away from. Or the people our social media timelines tell us are committed to destroying our way of life. Yikes. Can we just throw all of that out for a second and look at how God tells us to treat every human, regardless of how we feel about them? As followers of Christ, that’s all we should care about anyway.

“Love your neighbor as yourself”

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”.

LOVE THEM. ALL O’ ‘EM.

To be clear, no human is actually our enemy. How often do we remember “our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities of hell” (Ephesians 6:12)? Instead, we choose to place the label of “enemy” on people that God Himself gave everything for, people He loves *literally* to death. We actively and willfully dishonor God by pitting ourselves against other image-bearers. And I’m not speaking as someone who’s immune to that tendency. I fail at this all the flipping time. In past weeks, I’ve been asking God to reveal/remove my own apathy toward oppressed and marginalized people groups as well as my own prejudice against those on the conservative side of the racial arguments who unsympathetically deny systemic racism. But the point is that we MUST put our collective hope in Jesus to change that in us, to lead us so regularly to His heart that His way of life is the only way of life we see or want.

What is the church’s intended relationship with the world? I’m sure you remember the Great Commission. Would you agree with me that in many churches in America, the Great Commission has been monetized and commercialized? Would you agree with me that Jesus’ intention in giving us the Great Commission was never that we would spend thousands on airfare and luxury accommodations to carry the white man’s burden to a third world country for a week and return feeling really good about ourselves? Would you agree with me that His intent was instead that we would view the whole world, not as enemies, but as versions of ourselves prior to knowing the unbelievable love of Christ? I hear confirmation in that when Jesus told the people to love their neighbors as themselves. No human can be our enemy when we recognize and empathize with them as individual image-bearers in the same position we were in prior to knowing Christ. We should be fighting each other to be the ones on the front lines of providing physical and spiritual care to those in need, not fighting against or subjugating the rest of the world as if God didn’t create them in His image too. Church, we are called to listen to, empathize with, and seek justice for the cries of the oppressed. We are not at war with other image-bearers.

A lot of this has been rant-ish, so let me end with a word of encouragement. Specifically, a word that God has spoken to me recently.

“You’re never gonna be perfect. But you’re always gonna belong to me.”

God (literally) stopped me in my tracks with that a couple weeks ago. In my effort to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly”, I was really noticing a lot of the places I was failing to do those things. And it’s really easy for the death spiral to start in my mind when I start thinking of things like that. But God stopped that from happening by reminding me of what is true. I’m never gonna be perfect, but I’m always gonna belong to Him. It’s totally true, I promise. Read this:

“So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God.” Romans 7:4

How specific or vague is your doctrine of what changed as a result of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection? Because in this passage, you can confidently add this into the mix: we (YOU. ME.) are no longer subject to the system that says our failings separate us from God. My concern will never ever ever again be that my failings change God’s opinion of me or my standing in His kingdom. Instead, I’m free to fail! I’m free to run back to the way of Jesus as many times as I need. Because I know His mercies are endless (Lamentations 3:22-23). Because I know He promised that for every time I am faithless to Him, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). Because I know that He is good and He said that the work is finished (John 19:30). Because I know that I’m under a new and living way that allows me to follow Jesus imperfectly (Hebrews 10). (My last post was actually about this too, so go take a look if you feel so led).

If you are a follower of Jesus, then you’re a follower of Jesus. All I encourage you to do is just to do that. Follow Him, study His way, His truth, and His life. Go straight to the source, and live your life from there. I’m begging you – don’t let your worldly affiliations bleed into how you treat image-bearers. That’s really the heart of what I wanted to say here. Sorry not sorry it took this big long post.

(Though if it makes you feel better, if I typed out everything I was thinking this’d rival the brick that is the unabridged version of Les Mis sitting on my bookshelf.)

-Hal

Soundtrack of a Blog:

29. Grace & Mercy by Jess Ray

With as much time as I spend thinking about being under the new covenant instead of the old, you’d think I’d have gotten the hang of things by now. And by things, I mean

How I view myself from an eternal standpoint. How I spend my time. How I react to life’s challenges. How I speak to others. How I speak to myself in my internal narrative. How I understand the reality of the relational dynamic between God and me.

You know, those kind of things.

But with every passing day, God sheds a little more light on my situation to light up details I never realized before. He often gives me opportunities to choose to live in His reality or in a false one. The summation of these opportunities He gives me is called life. Sometimes it comes in the form of the most minimal of choices, sometimes as a fleeting thought, sometimes as a sentence I read. Every day, I am offered countless decisions to live in God’s reality or some shoddy imitation of life.

What makes the difference? I personally think it boils down to taking God at His Word. In any situation, we have the opportunity to either

1. act in a way that naturally reflects our understanding of what God says about who we are and what He wants for us

or

2. not do that

I think it’s really that simple. Well, the alternative at least. Definitely not the journey to consciously knowing and choosing the first alternative the majority of the time. That’s a whole separate ballgame.

To provide a metaphor –

Well hey, let’s use a ballgame. I’m a fan of baseball, I grew up with the Texas Rangers constantly on the television, and I’d say I’m fairly knowledgeable about the game that is baseball and how someone would look like as a successful player. But after 20ish years of exposure to baseball, I couldn’t just walk onto a field and play a perfect game. Why? There are things involved in developing those set of skills. It takes time, energy, motivation, practice, struggle, and at times, even failure. Those are necessary components to able to live out the way a baseball player plays the game.

Obviously, there are limits to this metaphor, and I want to be clear about what I’m NOT saying. I’m not saying life is like winning a game, or that God is just some kind of watchful and uninvolved umpire waiting for you to slide across home plate. I’m not saying the point of our time here is to develop skills that will make us look good in God’s eyes.

Now here’s what I am saying.

Life is beautiful, and it also involves struggle. Though followers of Jesus have eternal reconciliation with God, we still live in a supremely fallen world that will cause trouble for all people, believer or not. As Jesus said in John 16, we will have trouble in this world. Guaranteed trouble. No qualifiers to be found here. But what does He also say? Well, immediately after, He did say He has already overcome the world. Awesome. Some other relevant things to remember –

Hebrews 4 says that any person who has entered His rest through Christ has rested from his or her own works. Our performance means nothing to God any longer. NUH. THING.

Philippians 3 says that if we have been taken hold of by Christ, we must forget what is behind. We must forget the way we used to live, under a crushingly holy set of laws that we could never honor without the entrance of Jesus’ new covenant.

Hebrews 8 says that the old covenant was a copy, a shadow, of heavenly things, when Jesus has now obtained a superior ministry built on life-giving promises. In fact, it says that Jesus declared that the old covenant is obsolete. That superior ministry is the one we’ve accepted, though I think we often forget that. At least I do.

And Hebrews 10 contains the final nail in the old covenant’s coffin. It says that by God’s will, we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all time.

Once, for all time. My friends, it is truly finished.

Now let me tie this back to the baseball metaphor. What was one thing necessary to become a true baseball player? Struggle, sometimes to the point of failure.

Here is the crescendo of this whole post:

How does a follower of Jesus live under this new covenant and experience failure at the same time?

Answer: Easily. And gratefully.

Do you think I’m crazy? A thousand Bible-thumpers across the world just excommunicated me from their faith for saying that. If their religion requires failure (also called sin) to lead to guilt and penance, I don’t want it anyway.

I want the Jesus that said that because He is the risen Lord who overcame sin and death, I’m free to fail. It’s kind of insulting to say “Jesus, I accept that You died to atone for my sins,” and then live the rest of our lives feeling like each subsequent failure drives Him away with a disgusted sneer. No, when He died to atone for your sins, for my sins, He was aware of every single one. All our sins were future sins to Him, none of them surprises. But when we are surprised by the sin struggles we didn’t know about yesterday, we can easily forfeit the present truth for old habits that belong to an old covenant. Please, let’s trade shame for freedom. Law for grace.

It’s one thing for me to say that when we fail, we can trust that God’s opinion of us doesn’t change. I really hope you know that His love for you isn’t conditional like that.

But it’s another thing, like I said above, to fail and be grateful for failure. Why in the world would I be grateful, you might ask?

In the words of Saint Catherine,

“All the way to heaven is heaven, because Jesus said, “I am the Way.”

AH THAT IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOD.

As we struggle, fail, learn, develop, and change, God is with us through the whole way. He promised that His Holy Spirit has made a home in each of us who believe. With every time we take choice 1 or choice 2 (from above), He is with us, changing us. If He IS the Way, we experience Him every day.

To make it personal, I’ll tell you why this means the world to me today. I felt the pull toward the things of earth. Not even things that were necessarily bad in and of themselves. Adventure, love, beauty, etc. The issue was that I realized that I replaced those things as the most present desires of my heart, removing God from His rightful place on the highest pedestal there. It was a temporary feeling, but it made me crazy. How could I call myself a Jesus follower when I had failed Him so miserably, trading His love for the pull of the world?

And I was stuck there for a while, in that pit of self-condemnation. It really sucked and it was really not in line with the new covenant. And then I heard these words in a song I’ve heard countless times but heard in a new way today

You say it’s already done.

The war for my heart is won.

That was all it took.

And in seconds, using 12 words, God lovingly reminded me of my place with Him. Because He has won, I’m free to fail. Not only am I free to fail, but I’m free to see each failure as a way to see Jesus clearer. As of this morning, my heart knowledge of the Way of Jesus is a little bit deeper. I am so grateful that as the Way, He always there guiding me.

I love it. Like He said, He came to offer us real Life. Life in the fullest sense possible. In this fallen world, that looks like a Messiah whose eternal work is done, but will still take the time to walk with me through every choice I make to help tune my heart toward His own.

He helps guide me along the Way without expectation of perfection, not even a specific pace. Just continual seeking of Him. That is a good God if I’ve ever known one.

-Haley

Soundtrack of a Blog:

28. Simple by People & Songs

I’ll spoil it for you right now – it’s fear.

Fear causes us to struggle and flail. Fear causes us to focus on anything but God – a gravely serious phenomenon that must be addressed.

Fear is the motivation behind division and hatred.

Fear makes way to justify corruption and abuses of power.

Fear bankrupts our compassion for those Jesus called us to love.

Fear can turn believer against believer.

Fear works to undermine the security Jesus won for us.

Fear steals our peace and confidence to act in the name of Jesus.

Fear forces our eyes off of God and onto ourselves.

Fear wipes our memory of what God has promised will come to pass.

Fear convinces us that the solution to our problems is self-dependence.

Fear says that it’s up to us to solve the issues of this broken world.

Fear says there’s no way we can do that, so we might as well give up our mission.

Fear says focus on protecting ourselves first.

Fear says it’s easier to make choices based off of what we see today rather than believing the full picture of God’s sovereignty over all things past, present, and future.

And none – absolutely NONE – of this gives Life in the way Jesus does. In fact, it does the opposite of what Jesus came to do. Fear strips us of our faith in God, and subsequently strips us of the joy we find in living Life to the full.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

In 1 John, it’s stated that there is no fear in love. And that is the bottom line of why it is so unwelcome in the church. Fear has no legitimate claim on those who are reconciled to God, yet it plagues us daily. As John 10:10 says, the enemy’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. What better way to strategize against an enemy that you already know will win in the end than convincing that enemy that the security they thought they had is false? Steal their confidence, kill their faith, destroy their peace. It makes strategic sense.

Remember this –

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Fear is unwelcome in the heart of a believer because it is a tactic of an antagonistic enemy to undermine the truth of who we are and thus prevent us from enjoying the Life that Jesus won for us.

Luckily, regardless of whether we believe it 100% of the time or not, our God has given us everything we need to have Life.

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)

“When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. When He had disarmed the rulers and authorities, He made a public display of them, having triumphed over them through Him.” (Colossians 2:13-15)

“Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night.” (Revelation 12:10)

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Galatians 5:13-14)

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1-4)

Honestly, it’s crazy how easily we can be convinced otherwise. It’s kind of become a cultural norm for the church to be associated with perpetrating abuse and/or manipulation, and I absolutely believe this to be the result of believers who have not embraced the full gospel. A partial gospel that fails to encapsulate the great grace we have now will ultimately fail to extend that same grace to others. A partial gospel that gives way to fear will safeguard itself from the very same world we are called to show compassion toward. A partial gospel that does not know the power of God will turn to alternate sources of power, leading to an apathetic view of God and consequent corruption.

A partial gospel is no gospel at all. It’s so important to regularly be reminded of the full gospel and who are are called to be post-resurrection:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.” (Colossians 3:12-15)

This is who we are called to be. A people defined by God, not by fear. A people defined by the peace and freedom we have, inspired by our Father’s nature to become more like Him.

There’s only one song to be added to the Soundtrack of a Blog today, and here are the lyrics + the link below to the playlist. Have an awesome time jamming out to these truths, because this song is straight up amazing.

-Haley

More Than Conquerors by Rend Collective:

When my hope and strength is gone
You’re the one who calls me on
You are the life
You are the fight
That’s in my soul

Oh, Your resurrection power
Burns like fire in my heart
When waters rise
I lift my eyes
Up to Your throne

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror

I will sing into the night
Christ is risen and on high
Greater is He
Living in me
Than in the world

No surrender, no retreat
We are free and we’re redeemed
We will declare
Over despair
You are the hope

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror

Nothing is impossible
Every chain is breakable
With You, we are victorious
Jesus, you are stronger than our hearts
You are greater than the dark
With You, we are victorious

Though I barely understand Him, I know that He is good.

More often than not, my view of God is closer to Him being a far-off mystery than Someone who is living in me. What even does that mean, to be living in me? If someone cut me open, would you see God flowing in my muscles, in my lungs, swirling around my heart? Probably not.

It must then be something else. Something I haven’t yet come to fathom. It must be that God is bigger and more fantastic than I imagine, not solely limited in the exact ways my mind is limited. Hmm. Shouldn’t that be obvious, that there is no rational way that YHWH Himself has the same limitations in His existence and power that my mind places on Him?

C.S. Lewis says something very profound in Letter IV of the Screwtape Letters – that the gap between the god in our mind and the God in reality can be bridged through the honest prayer directed toward: “Not to what I think thou art, but to what thou knowest thyself to be,”. A humbling and life-shattering prayer.

God has never been just what I see Him as. How do I know this?

The god in my mind is usually small. Far away. Judgmental and scrutinizing. Uninvolved except on rare occasions. Indifferent toward the prayers I direct at him.

But not always. There are moments of light that get more and more frequent. And I believe this is the Christian walk. Not a perfect road – straight, clear, flat, and with a crystal-clear view of everything that lies ahead. The Christian walk is one of constant growth, occasional confusion, and is altogether the greatest and most dramatic adventure in existence. The road lies on mountainous terrain, impossible to pass without the illumination of the Spirit granted to every one of us.

And that is the goodness of God. Though I barely understand Him, I know He is good:

Though we weren’t even necessary, He created us in His divine image. Unashamed love from the very start, y’all. (Genesis 1:27)

Though we became hostile and sinful, God still showed mercy and listened to His people, even agreeing to continue to reveal Himself to His people. This passage is so huge. (Exodus 33:12-34:10)

Though His people became apathetic and wanted to return to the slavery He had delivered them from, He gave and gave and gave good things to His wandering people. (Joshua 24:13-14)

Though His people endured exile and shame, He made a way to redeem their broken relationship by actively intervening in the lives of the rulers of the world. (Ezra 1:1-2)

Though His people feared that He had abandoned them to darkness, He remained a ruler over all things and remained firm in His authority. (Job 38:19-21) (Honestly, all of Job 38-42 is just a flooring passage.)

Though the fallenness in humanity has brought injustice across the world, God Himself promised to restore all things to peace and balance. (Isaiah 42:4)

Though we were defined by the slavery of sin and were walking in darkness, Jesus offered Life through His own life. (John 12:44-50)

Though we had not done a thing to bridge the gap between our brokenness and God’s perfection, Jesus became the bridge to redemption. No longer were we defined as orphans, but as children of God, receiving all the righteousness associated with that status. (John 14:18-21)

Though we fail to take God at His Word which says Jesus’ life is our own from the very moment we accept Him, we try to impress God with our own actions and righteousness. Instead of becoming angry, He reminds us in beautiful imagery that it is always Him that brings true Life in our lives. (John 15:4-5)

Though the post-resurrection church continues to fail to take God at His Word, He reminds us repeatedly that the Life and Spirit He has granted us is ALL that we need. It’s not our own goodness that brought eternal redemption, but His goodness. (Romans 8:9-11)

The entire course of history is a history of salvation. HE made us, HE gave grace upon grace while His people rebelled and strayed, HE made Himself in human form, HE became a teacher and a healer and a servant, HE gave up Himself to a cross created by the very people He would save with it, HE overcame death and in doing so defeated the darkness that bound His children, HE granted the Holy Spirit to be our ever-present guide, HE promises that we will be HIS forever and ever and ever and ever.

He is a good God. A lover of beauty, of adventure, of revelation, of family, of redemption, of justice, of all that reflects His perfect nature.

And this is all to say that He is so much more than we make Him out to be. This is exactly why I think the Christian walk is the most dramatic adventure in existence, as it is a lifetime full of moments where we discover who God truly is rather than what we’ve made Him out to be. We will discover that He is fierce and passionate and jealous, and He is also joyful and loving and a patient Father. We will discover that his ways are definitely not our ways, but they are so much better than ours. We will discover that apathy and stagnancy means a life apart from the Life He has granted us.

One day, I’ll believe everything He says about me. That I am His and my sins have been washed clean by the power of His own sacrifice. That He loved me enough then to die for me, and He still loves me to that same degree even when I don’t remember or acknowledge it. That His goodness, power, and love don’t change depending on my understanding of them. That true Life comes from believing Him. From loving Him. From worshiping Him. From seeking Him above all else.

Parting thought that I am asking myself and also encourage you to do the same –

Am I seeking to be more like Jesus, or am I seeking Jesus? Very similar phrases, but not at all similar in where they lead.

Remember what He said in John 15 – only when we are connected to Him, the Vine, can we bear fruit. Our goal is not to bear fruit alone, but to be connected to the Vine first. I find that when I have this backwards and become more fixated on developing fruit than being connected to the Vine, I become barren and self-conscious (a dangerous thing to be while Satan still has anything to say about it). But when I put things in their right order and become fixated on my connection with the Vine first and foremost, I then bear fruit automatically by being God-conscious (how we are meant to be, and if you don’t believe me, read 2 Corinthians 3:4-6, Colossians 3:1-3, Romans 8:6-12, Romans 6:11, John 17:22-24, and well, basically all of the Bible if we’re being honest.)

The goodness of God means that anyone who has received His life is now subject only to His goodness. Not that we won’t experience trouble in this world, as Jesus pointed out in John 16:33, but we will only ever truly belong to a God that is much bigger and better than we can imagine.

-Haley

Soundtrack of a Blog:

26. Dimensions by Jess Ray

That’s the only one for today. Please put it on repeat 1000000 times, I promise it’s worth it.

Resonating with a song is a fun experience for me. Usually it means I’ll listen to it 100 times in the first week and then spend the rest of my life connecting that song to that specific period of time I was obsessed with it. Go big or go home, right.

The song after which this post is named will forever be tied in my mind to these past couple of weeks. I’m so glad it exists and I’d like to share with you about why that is.

The song “Highs and Lows” by Hillsong Y&F largely takes from the first half of Psalm 139, which I think is an unfortunately neglected portion of that psalm. Over the years, I’ve found myself repeatedly drawn to this specific passage of scripture, and the reasons for that aren’t exactly the kind that fit nicely in a box with a bow on top. They’re more like the ones I’d rather shove back into a dark corner and not ever face without a very good reason to. In less metaphorical terms, the main reason why I’m drawn to Psalm 139 is because there are many times, like David refers to in this psalm, that my thoughts and feelings, my mental health, and lies from the enemy all compound on each other to convince me that I’m isolated. Alone. Defenseless.

Yikes.

Honestly, it’s a sucky place to be, and sometimes it takes a lot longer to come back from that place than I’d like to admit. Feeling lonely feels lonely, you know? That’s kind of the way it works. Believing that there’s no one around who can fully understand the context of your thought processes makes it tough for anyone to even know there’s an issue. Reaching out to someone who might not understand in the way you want them to is a risk, and it’s easier to stay quiet and wait for some kind of epiphany or resolution. But then what? I’ll tell you what – that course of action results in an extended period of perceived isolation, which is the exact thing you don’t want to happen. And it can seem like a dangerous situation with no way out. Option 1 is to reach out for help and receive unhelpful feedback or even judgment. Option 2 is to keep everything internal and things only get worse.

And that’s exactly how the downward spiral grows to terrifying speeds, because there’s no way to resolve this, right? No way to fix this.

Stop. Wait. There must be something not taken into account here.

This is where Psalm 139 makes its subtle entrance and kindly turns my focus away from the dark void in front of me and instead toward the safe-haven that was right next to me the entire time.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

And just like that, God has reminded me of the game-changing fact that He is with me through any high and any low. All of a sudden, I’m aware that my full vision was obscured by these dark clouds that had been raining down lie after lie about who I am and who my Father is.

Critical note to mention: Awareness of the lies does not in itself fix the issues. But what it does do is give the needed perspective that will begin the healing process.

Mental health is something to be taken very seriously in my book – as something that not only exists, but also as something that is influenced by an unknown number of variables that include things both in and out of our control. As someone who studied counseling at a Christian university, I have come to have a deep respect for varying interpretations about what kind of root causes may be manifesting through destructive mental health. Okay, I’m hopping off my soap box now. Though if you’d like to talk more about this, please leave a comment or reach out to me in some other way!

And back to my main reason for talking about all of this. I don’t have to be functioning at my very best to have God on my side. In fact, it’s probably helpful to accept that many times God will make His presence very clear to me in the times when I need a serious rescue. His Word says that there is no place too dark, too deep, too far away for God to join me there. Though join may not be a good word choice since it implies there was a time He wasn’t with me. David asks in his psalm “Where can I go from Your Spirit?”. And wait, isn’t this the same Spirit that Jesus is referring to in the John 14?

¹⁶ And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— ¹⁷ the Spirit of truth.

(emphasis mine)

Okay, so the word forever is thrown around here. I’ll take a wild guess and say the word forever in the original text means forever.

Hey I just researched it, and turns out it means forever. Nice.

Deep breath in. Deep sigh out. God promises His presence to us in every state we might find ourselves in. For those who love Him and have found Life in Christ, there is no such thing as true isolation. Perceived isolation can be dangerous, but only when untouched by the truth. It makes sense that Hebrews 4 says:

¹² For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

In Psalm 139, John 14, and Hebrews 4, my God and Father is telling me

1. His presence is not hindered in the least by darkness, either physical or mental.
2. His presence has been gifted to His children for all eternity.
3. His Word acts as a sword to cut away at the darkness and expose the truth.

To me, that sounds like He might just love us. A lot. He sure has provided the strength I couldn’t have mustered on my own. What I take from this is that in every high and every low I experience, my only responsibility is to remember God. It’s not on my shoulders to win the war, but instead I must remember the Lord Almighty has always been my greatest defender.

I could go on and on. Obviously having a lot of thoughts is a common occurrence for me. But I’ll end with these next few songs I’m adding to my running playlist. I hope you find meaning and inspiration in these lyrics like I have:

~Haley

Soundtrack of a Blog:

22. Highs and Lows by Hillsong Young and Free

23. In the Meantime by Jess Ray

24. Gallows by Jess Ray

25. Fighting Words by Ellie Holcomb

Does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you because you observed the law, or because you believe what you heard?

That previous sentence is actually a verse from Galatians, but the question in itself is ridiculously poignant and relevant for believers today. The verse comes from a passage that is equal parts scathing as it is rhetorical. Paul is unbelievably frustrated with the Galatian church after they’ve abandoned the freedom of the true gospel for a watered down version that keeps believers under the yoke of an impossible set of laws. Here, let me write out the whole passage, but pretend that you yourself are the one speaking the words. For me, that can help to understand the intonation of another person’s words a little more –

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing – if it really was for nothing? Does God give you His Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?

Galatians 3:1-5

Dang, Paul. That’s quite the verbal chastisement. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to be the one opening this letter, expecting maybe some kind teaching and encouragement like the letters he’s sent to surrounding churches, only to start skimming and then realize this one is totally different.

But now, here is my next challenge: Read the passage as if Paul is speaking to you personally. Go ahead, I’ll still be here when you’re done.

Okay, done? Let’s talk about why that passage makes me feel like someone took a spotlight and shone it smack dab on the parts of my life that I try to hide most earnestly from the world. Maybe you feel that way too? I’m going to take a wild guess and say a good number of the believers that will read this can probably remember the times they’ve turned to good performance rather than faith.

Here’s a hot take from Haley – I really don’t want to just say “ugh, I struggled with this so much you guys” and then move on to what I’ve learned. I’d rather you know that the truth is that I’m still, today, learning so much. In no way do I want to seem as if I’m this totally put together person that writes about how I perfectly diagnose and root out the brokenness I see in my life. Generally when I write these blog posts, it’s because I process through what God is teaching me in the present moment by putting it in word form. I’m still struggling with all of this, and the point of me writing this down is to acknowledge some things. The truth is that, by my own standards, I’m not all that great. Most days in the past many months, I’ve had this unwelcome and impending sense that I’m failing God (for a variety of shortcomings). As just one example that is relevant to this topic – I seek out material things, I seek out knowledge, I seek out things that will make me feel and look like a put-together Christian. By this, I even mean Christian books, Christian music, volunteering opportunities, etc. And I still have many days where I think “Lord, where the heck are You?”.

But the issue is really not in the Lord’s presence. Turns out (He let me know) it’s in where I focus my thoughts and spend my time. Seeking after the things a “good Christian” would want is not in itself helping me find Life. This is where John 15 comes into play, and Jesus’ words remind me of what is true.

I [Jesus] am the vine; you [believers] are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

My misinterpretation of the gospel has led me to live as if seeking after Godly things is a fulfilling goal. Jesus, on the other hand, (who may be just a bit wiser than me) turns my assumption on its head.

In my head: Surrounding myself with Godly things will lead me to God.

Jesus: You will not bear any fruit (Godliness) unless you remain in me.

Somehow, I’ve come to subconsciously believe that I can expect to bear fruit first, and get to know God later.

! That’s literally backwards. !

How in the world can any person bear fruit without being connected first to the Vine?? This is exactly what Jesus is saying.

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things [peace, provision] will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

I [Jesus] am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

He makes it so clear, dang it y’all. Where did we get the idea that our goal is to do good, look good, and feel good about ourselves? Goodness or maybe niceness, or – I don’t know, fill in the blank of what it is you seek – any other feelings, these are not our goal.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14

He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

2 Corinthians 5:15

The very best goal is to live 1. for Christ 2. and to live for Him as we move closer to being with Him in heaven. It’s only a natural response to recipients of grace who understand just how amazing this truth really is.

When we understand how much we are loved, we understand how to live in freedom. When we understand that “It is finished”, we live as if it is really true. That simple. When we understand that “there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”, we can live as if that promise applies to us (because it does).

And it’s not my job to get this to become heart knowledge for you. For one, heck I’m still learning all this myself. Second reason (better reason) is that I’m not God. I don’t have a part in your personal relationship with God, all I can do is encourage you to keep seeking Him. Even when it’s so so hard, keep seeking after Him. Even when He takes away that thing you love most, keep seeking after Him. Even when you think He’s been silent and it’s much more interesting to go buy something that will distract you for a day, keep seeking after Him. Even when you secretly believe He’s orchestrated everything in your life to come apart at the seams, keep seeking after Him. Even when life is perfect and you equate contentment with not needing God, keep seeking after Him.

It’s so much better to believe His Word and follow what He says. It’s just so much better His way. And His way is simple – seek after Him and His righteousness (see Matthew 6:33 again). For you out there who hear “seek righteousness” and to you it sounds like another job to do, let me give context with this verse from Romans.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Christ Jesus to all who believe… For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and have been justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Romans 3:22-24

Sorry I ended up bolding most of that little passage, but I mean – wow, there’s your answer right there. We’re not enough. We don’t have to be enough. Christ has justified us freely, because He’s just that dang awesome. All He does ask of us is to have faith. Righteousness from faith. How incredibly ingenious. How incredibly life-giving. Praise God that He is intelligent, loving, and just all at the same time. (And a billion more good things, but that’s another post)

And one more thought – thanks if you’ve stuck around this long – so that hopefully this message doesn’t come across as “PEOPLE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER AND ASCRIBE TO THE LORD HIS GLORY”. My intent isn’t to persuade through guilt or shame, pushing that we don’t know the Bible well enough and that must mean we suck. And here’s the kicker that would make that pointless anyway – we’re guaranteed that we will continually not live up to God’s calling while we live in this broken world. In the book I’m reading at the moment (Garden City by John Mark Comer (!!!!!)), a quote stuck out to me about the mercy hidden within the curse God laid upon creation after the Fall. The author rightly says that “nothing could be more disastrous for the world than God’s image-bearers finding identity and belonging and even satisfaction apart from Him”. God was the Author of the curse, and it’s really no surprise that even a curse can be used to draw His kids back to Him. Other earthly things will draw our attention now and then, but ultimately we will only ever find true satisfaction and Life in Christ alone.

~Hal

Soundtrack of a Blog:

1. One and Only – Jess Ray
2. Stupid Deep – Jon Bellion
3. There is No Striving – Rita Springer
4. Defender – Rita Springer
5. P E A C E – Hillsong Young & Free

I love the common thread throughout these 5 songs – God is good and His love for us is freely given, unreserved, and overcomes all things.