Resonating with a song is a fun experience for me. Usually it means I’ll listen to it 100 times in the first week and then spend the rest of my life connecting that song to that specific period of time I was obsessed with it. Go big or go home, right.
The song after which this post is named will forever be tied in my mind to these past couple of weeks. I’m so glad it exists and I’d like to share with you about why that is.
The song “Highs and Lows” by Hillsong Y&F largely takes from the first half of Psalm 139, which I think is an unfortunately neglected portion of that psalm. Over the years, I’ve found myself repeatedly drawn to this specific passage of scripture, and the reasons for that aren’t exactly the kind that fit nicely in a box with a bow on top. They’re more like the ones I’d rather shove back into a dark corner and not ever face without a very good reason to. In less metaphorical terms, the main reason why I’m drawn to Psalm 139 is because there are many times, like David refers to in this psalm, that my thoughts and feelings, my mental health, and lies from the enemy all compound on each other to convince me that I’m isolated. Alone. Defenseless.
Yikes.
Honestly, it’s a sucky place to be, and sometimes it takes a lot longer to come back from that place than I’d like to admit. Feeling lonely feels lonely, you know? That’s kind of the way it works. Believing that there’s no one around who can fully understand the context of your thought processes makes it tough for anyone to even know there’s an issue. Reaching out to someone who might not understand in the way you want them to is a risk, and it’s easier to stay quiet and wait for some kind of epiphany or resolution. But then what? I’ll tell you what – that course of action results in an extended period of perceived isolation, which is the exact thing you don’t want to happen. And it can seem like a dangerous situation with no way out. Option 1 is to reach out for help and receive unhelpful feedback or even judgment. Option 2 is to keep everything internal and things only get worse.
And that’s exactly how the downward spiral grows to terrifying speeds, because there’s no way to resolve this, right? No way to fix this.
Stop. Wait. There must be something not taken into account here.
This is where Psalm 139 makes its subtle entrance and kindly turns my focus away from the dark void in front of me and instead toward the safe-haven that was right next to me the entire time.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
And just like that, God has reminded me of the game-changing fact that He is with me through any high and any low. All of a sudden, I’m aware that my full vision was obscured by these dark clouds that had been raining down lie after lie about who I am and who my Father is.
Critical note to mention: Awareness of the lies does not in itself fix the issues. But what it does do is give the needed perspective that will begin the healing process.
Mental health is something to be taken very seriously in my book – as something that not only exists, but also as something that is influenced by an unknown number of variables that include things both in and out of our control. As someone who studied counseling at a Christian university, I have come to have a deep respect for varying interpretations about what kind of root causes may be manifesting through destructive mental health. Okay, I’m hopping off my soap box now. Though if you’d like to talk more about this, please leave a comment or reach out to me in some other way!
And back to my main reason for talking about all of this. I don’t have to be functioning at my very best to have God on my side. In fact, it’s probably helpful to accept that many times God will make His presence very clear to me in the times when I need a serious rescue. His Word says that there is no place too dark, too deep, too far away for God to join me there. Though join may not be a good word choice since it implies there was a time He wasn’t with me. David asks in his psalm “Where can I go from Your Spirit?”. And wait, isn’t this the same Spirit that Jesus is referring to in the John 14?
16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth.
(emphasis mine)
Okay, so the word forever is thrown around here. I’ll take a wild guess and say the word forever in the original text means forever.
Hey I just researched it, and turns out it means forever. Nice.
Deep breath in. Deep sigh out. God promises His presence to us in every state we might find ourselves in. For those who love Him and have found Life in Christ, there is no such thing as true isolation. Perceived isolation can be dangerous, but only when untouched by the truth. It makes sense that Hebrews 4 says:
12 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.
In Psalm 139, John 14, and Hebrews 4, my God and Father is telling me
- His presence is not hindered in the least by darkness, either physical or mental.
- His presence has been gifted to His children for all eternity.
- His Word acts as a sword to cut away at the darkness and expose the truth.
To me, that sounds like He might just love us. A lot. He sure has provided the strength I couldn’t have mustered on my own. What I take from this is that in every high and every low I experience, my only responsibility is to remember God. It’s not on my shoulders to win the war, but instead I must remember the Lord Almighty has always been my greatest defender.
I could go on and on. Obviously having a lot of thoughts is a common occurrence for me. But I’ll end with these next few songs I’m adding to my running playlist. I hope you find meaning and inspiration in these lyrics like I have:
~Haley
Soundtrack of a Blog:
22. Highs and Lows by Hillsong Young and Free
23. In the Meantime by Jess Ray
24. Gallows by Jess Ray
25. Fighting Words by Ellie Holcomb