I believe that Jesus recently asked me the question above.
Let me preface by adding that I rarely hear from God this clearly. I know He can and does speak to me in a variety of ways, but in all honesty I’m pretty bad at hearing His voice most of the time.
But this question. Wow. With absolutely no guilt or anxiety hanging onto the back of His question, Jesus brought me face to face with my own knowledge of Him. Not just the head knowledge, but the heart knowledge.
Do you believe that I love you?
Hmm. I know that He loves me. I’ve known that since before I could form full sentences – “Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so”. Sure, baby stuff. But a distinction must be made between that knowledge that more consists of memorizing words or facts and the knowledge that is attributed to knowing something precisely as it is, as the result of having experienced the truth deep within.
Gnosis: the Greek equivalent of head knowledge
Epignosis: the Greek equivalent of heart knowledge
There is a discernible difference between those two that applies to the question He asked me. Not “Are you aware that I have love for you?”, but “Do you know at your very core that I love you, as you have experienced Me in a real way and can no longer be persuaded otherwise?”.
It should be noted that everything up until this paragraph was written 2.5 days before the rest of this entry, and in that 2.5 days I experienced some insanely unusual life happenstances. During that time, the temptation to fear for the very worst of outcomes was overshadowed by a strange and ill-fitting sense of peace. All I can say is that God has provided so generously for me in these past few days, granting me blessing upon blessing and steering me away from my crippling anxieties rooted in the irrational fear that I’m going through this life alone.
Do you believe that I love you enough to provide your every need?
If ever I doubted the extent of His love for me, the happenstances in the past few days have been an incredible witness to it. I’m reminded of Matthew 6, where Jesus speaks into the anxieties of man, reminding us that His children are so much more precious to Him than the richly-adorned but short-lived flowers of the earth. His message in Matthew 6 is ultimately that He loves us so much that our every true need will be met, and we can find peace in that by seeking Him first in everything we do.
All I can think here is – wow, God’s love really is so much greater than I make it out to be. I can read and memorize Scripture all I want, I can pray for clear answers until I am blue in the face, but the most intense times that I encounter God’s true nature is in the midst of circumstances I never dreamed I would be in. In those times of the truest kind of surrender, His nature is revealed to be so much more mind-blowing than I ever thought.
C.S Lewis’s Screwtape Letters speaks to the tendencies of mankind to view God from a horrendously limited assumption that “God is exactly who I make Him out to be”. However, uncle Screwtape warns his nephew in letter 4 that when a believer “consciously directs his prayers “Not to what I think Thou art but to what Thou knowest thyself to be” “, that’s when we most closely encounter the Lord as He truly is.
All I want in this life is to be in relationship with the true King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Settling for a smaller ‘god’ of my own making is such a waste of my time and energy when Yahweh Himself is waiting for me to seek Him. In Mark 7:7, Jesus actually warns the people of worship done in vain, as it is more to please man-made law rather than God Himself. There is so much to be lost in vain worship, chasing after a god who only fits the mold of what our mind can comprehend of Him. And there is so much to be gained by chasing after the true God of creation. Here are just some of the things that I’m convinced are so much bigger and better than I think:
His promises. His victory. His eternality. His magnitude. His mercy. His grace. His constancy. His love for me (and you). His Word. His sovereignty. His presence. His names. His sacrifice. His justice. His faithfulness.
These are all things I need to focus on more. At this moment, His love is what’s most highlighted in my life.
Do you believe that I love you?
We’re getting there, Lord. We’re getting there.
~Hal
Soundtrack of a Blog
13. Can’t Outrun Your Love by Ellie Holcomb
14. You Love Me Best by Ellie Holcomb
15. 139/ Dead of Night by Leeland
16. Él Nos Ama by Christine D’Clario