Hello there. It’s been a while. Bet you forgot you were subscribed to this blog 🙂
(And to those of you who are seeing this blog for the first time, the previous posts on this blog cover my 2015 summer-long internship in northern Uganda. Definitely feel free to read them if you’d like, I won’t be deleting them. But this blog is going to become something different – not entirely new, but not so much having to do with the beautiful country that is Uganda.)
I’m not intending, or even wanting, to gain some kind of following through this blog. Really, my only intention here is to have somewhat of a truer connection with the people back in TX or VA (or wherever) who care to know what the heck is going on with my life up in the Pacific Northwest! I can’t FaceTime all of you every day, but I think this may be the best alternative to provide a deeper and comprehensive picture on the journey God has me on at the moment.
Because wow – has He thrown me for a loop. A crazy, jagged loop that spans the entire United States. I almost feel as if I could be a storybook character who was suddenly plucked out of the middle of her own story and physically casted away further than the reaches of her main story. If that makes sense at all, it’s really to say that I’m occasionally quite confused at why my current location is thousands of miles away from the people I know well and love so dearly.
Lynchburg, Virginia to Greenville, Texas to Vancouver, Washington.
Within a matter of two weeks, I called those three places home – the last of which I am still struggling to accept. Though it’s been two months since I arrived here, I’m still wrestling with God just about every day as to why I’m here. My job, which I’ll expand on some other day, is an incredible blessing to get to do right away after graduation. However, I can’t help but think there’s likely a multitude of similar opportunities significantly nearer to Lynchburg or Greenville. God brought me here for a reason – He must have – but to be quite transparent, I am not sure what that reason is. At least not yet. And that’s the struggle – finding peace in the unknown, in the waiting, in the solitude.
Buckle up for some real talk right here –
The heart of my struggle here is that I’m not satisfied in God alone. He brought me into this wilderness – an unfamiliar culture (Portland jeesh) in an unfamiliar side of this freaking wide country of ours – and has asked me a very poignant question.
“Am I sufficient for you?”
I heard a song today with these lyrics:
If all I have is You, I’m okay. If all I have is You, I’m just fine.
How many times have I sung along to worship songs along those same lines – of God being enough for me? My spirit’s very deepest desire is to say that God is enough for me. But I’ve got to be honest with myself, with you, and with Him, and say that I’m not yet satisfied in God alone. Again, it is my very deepest desire for that to become true. A closer reflection of my heart today is the bridge of a song I’ve quoted here on this blog before:
Let the things of Earth be swept away. Draw me close till only You remain.
God is humbling me by asking me to admit I’m not where we’d both like me to be. I’m not going to pretend my Christ-centered upbringing and my Bachelor’s degree from Liberty University has perfected my walk with Christ. As ever, it continues to be a fairly turbulent experience. However, He’s done a lot in me since my time at Village of Hope, all meant to equip me with strength and confidence to face every mountain. Whether it be a mountain of fear, a mountain of doubt, or a mountain of pride, He stands by my side and asks me to let Him take me by the hand and guide me along His intended path. I trust He knows what He is doing, and I trust that He is good. The only trouble is that I can’t see where we’re going or why it had to happen this way.
It’s possible that you, lovely reader, have experienced this as well. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you have wisdom to share, questions to ask, or any comments at all. I want to know you as well as you’ll get to know me here.
This post is one of just flat-out unreserved openness about the current struggle. More deep diving into the beauty that’s coming out of it will come in later posts. As the indwelling Spirit chips away at my rough edges every day, I’ll update you all with what I’m learning along the way.
I’ll leave you with something relevant for the both of us.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as your trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. [Romans 15:13]
~Hal
ALSO (ha you thought I was done)
If you know me, Haley Nicole Whitakerâ„¢, you probably won’t find this next part surprising at all. I want to start adding song recommendations at the end of every post that reflect my current experience. Music is absolutely one of the strongest ways to convey experiences without me physically being there with you.
So don’t worry, I have great taste in music y’all.
- Weak Man by Leeland
- In the Whisper by Christy Nockels
- Remembrance by Hillsong Worship
- All I Want by Red Rocks Worship