We’re about to hit the two-week mark in this journey, and it’s finally starting to sink in that this is my life. And it will be for a while. It probably sounds crazy, but honestly, sometimes living here just feels like a very long dream. Now that my brain is finally realizing the extent of this trip, it doesn’t feel like that so much. But there are definitely still times that I look around me, wide-eyed and in awe of where I am.
I’m in Africa!(??) Seriously, sometimes I forget that. The distance between me and home is so unfathomable to me that it’s difficult think about how far away I am. But now that I’ve had a couple of weeks to adjust, I think I’m starting to sink into my life here as well. My mind is starting to comprehend where I am and what I’m doing, and now I’m finally accepting what’s going on. What I now know as a normal day is one that consists of computer classes, beans and posho, beautiful African children, many “Apwoyo!”’s, freak rainstorms, scurrying lizards, and bucket showers. I think that’s a good description of what my life is right now. On the surface, at least ~
These past two weeks have brought a wide range of emotions. Praise the Lord that He is able to deal with all of them, because I definitely can’t. He’s my go-to man. As He should be 🙂 It really shouldn’t take trips around the world to re-train me to keep Christ as my focus. That should be something that I desire naturally, but I think the way I tend to live is one that only calls out to God when things are going very wrong. I am so appreciative that I have this opportunity to become aware of my constant need for Him in my life.
Here’s what I’m thinking (this may turn rant-y, sorry) – America is the land of opportunity, full of people chasing after the “American Dream”. And really, what sounds better than a great-paying career, a great family, a great house, and constant access to everything you could ever need and more? Unfortunately, this wonderful-sounding lifestyle is one that is extremely vulnerable to a subconscious satisfaction with self-sufficiency. We become so content with what we have done with our lives that God is nowhere in the equation. We take credit for our successes, look to the internet for information we are searching for, and look inside ourselves for answers to our problems. And we don’t question this system – because it’s nice. It’s comfortable. It’s the life that I get trapped in so very often. Believe me, I’m not saying I don’t fall prey to this system. Even here, I miss the simplicity of that lifestyle. I think it’s because this one is so different, and it’s hard for me to give over the reigns when I’ve gripped them so tightly for so long. There are moments at home when I’m more aware of this, and I have given over the reigns to Him for a while. But then I fall back into the system not too long after. Here, it’s a constant battle. In everything I do, the self-sufficient part of me fails to satisfy, and that’s when God makes Himself obvious to me and asks me to hand everything over to Him.
He is the Artist that created galaxies and bumblebees and the the tide from the moon, things so amazing and so impossible for us to ever create. He can handle my problems. I feel afraid when I face my situation through human eyes, but when I view it through heaven’s eyes, I feel good. Like really good. You know, that feeling of true peace that only comes from Him.
Sometimes I feel like two months is more than I can handle. Then I think that until July 30th, I know my whole life will be built on complete trust and faith in what He is doing. I am so grateful that He’s giving me this chance to get re-tuned into Him before I go to college and my life will be the craziest it has ever been.
He’s so smart that way.
“Let us look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:2
Let me only look to Him, the perfect One who created me and helps me to develop my faith in such amazing ways.
{Haley}